He had one of those small greek statue penises
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
