I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
