Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
this boner is exhausting
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
