i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
