wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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