Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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