you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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