Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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