its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
