Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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