It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
