Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Randomize
