the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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