is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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