i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say