So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.