dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
