No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
