Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels