I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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