I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now