I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
