Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I had to cum in my sink.
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