I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize