Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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