I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
