I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
please come you make the beer taste better
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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