I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
