Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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