my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize