dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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