a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
