i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
thus making me awesome and them whores
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
