All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
