She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
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Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
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On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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