I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
