i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
