three words: i give head
three words: not that well
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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