I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
