So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she woke up with a sticky ear
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
