I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
