The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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