Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
