Got a toothbrush?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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