There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
