I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
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I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
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She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You are a genius and a whore.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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