i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
