If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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