ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
