There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
