Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the day after is always just damage control
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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