my soul wont recognize me after tonight
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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