you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
