peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
