Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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