I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
