god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
