There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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