I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
