Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Randomize
