the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
