not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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