lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
