I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
