We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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