Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
