I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
