I am midnight drunk by noon
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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