Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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