ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
