writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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