so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
