Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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