somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
