I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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