I think I am morally bankrupt
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
