I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
