Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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