I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
